Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: 12/4/2025

Starring: Maxi Witrak, Ego Mikitas

Plot: Decades ago, the USSR developed unkillable sharks and launched them to the moon. Today, a team of American astronauts will endure the fight of their lives.

Rules

• Stupid space science jargon (Advanced rule, this is literally every other line of the movie)
• “Yutu-2” or “Quequio Sattellite”
• References to the Dark Side of the Moon album

Quotes

• “Nothing under the moon should cause ripples like that.”
• “Why are there sharks on the moon?”
• “Americans…welcome to the moon!”
• “I knew there was something ‘fishy’ about her.”
• “Follow me, and don’t get any blood on you.”

Viewer Quotes

• “They are half human.” – “The bottom half.”
• “The first thing you should do when you’re about to crash into the moon is strap your seatbelt.”
• “It’s interesting that rebooting the ship didn’t affect their artificial gravity.”
• “Who’s going to open a window? I don’t think they make windows that roll down in a space ship.”
• “So he’s got a half-shark daughter?” – “Technically she’s a quarter shark.”
• “She hears pretty well in the vacuum of space.”
• “What do space sharks eat? There’s nothing to hunt on the moon.”
• “Is that actually his daughter? Did he make love to a shark lady?”
• “With all their hybrid shark technology, they can’t make a rocket?” – “They can’t even make proper clothes.”
• “That’s the song I want playing when I die. Yakkity Saks.”
• “That’s what I felt like after Thanksgiving.”

What We Learned

• In the future, astronauts don’t have headphones. Two of them split a pair of air pods.
• When you’re in trouble, restart the ship.
• Hybrid space sharks can track electromagnetic waves.
• Chain mail can replace a space suit on the moon.
• Space sharks have nipples
• Hybrid sharks reproduce in jars with umbilical chords.

Final Take

The whole movie was just utter nonsense, but I didn’t hate it. That’s the best way to summarize this movie experience. You’d think a movie about space sharks would be a pretty simple plot to follow, but you’d be wrong. There’s no explanation for most of what you see and you’ll be left with a lot more questions than answers. On the whole, though, I’d say it was worth the watch. I look forward to reading this post again in the future and reliving these memories.