Bad Movie Thursday

Date watched: (5/22/25)

Starring: Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo and a little bit of Jason Mewes (who must have lost a bet)

Plot: A man returns to California to be a pool cleaner after an eternity of fighting in Vietnam. But it’s been taken over by Mexicans and one of them murdered his family. He settles it the only way he knows.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

• Say “Poolboy”
• Filmmaker narration scenes
• Kevin Sorbo saying terrible stuff

Quotes:

• “Maybe I’ll dress up as a scarecrow and watch you sleep with my wife”
• ‘It’s just… f*ck you Alexander Graham Bell.”
• “What did you bring me his arm for anyway?  You should have brought me his d*ck.”
• “Why are you making mashed potatoes with dildos?”
• “I don’t want to die in stock footage?”
• “I sh*t enchiladas and piss Horchata.”
• “I could buttplug a double quarter pounder right now.”

Viewer Quotes:

• “What is this f*cking movie?”
• “What is going on here?”
• “Is Kevin Sorbo 69ing a blow-up doll?”

Things We Learned:

• Will Smith made Pat Morita die in real life.
• You can get a handjob from a clown… and it’s a sexual awakening.
• Wang Chung will license Dance Hall Days for any purpose… including this movie.

Final Take:

This movie is purposely terrible.  The acting, plot, etc. is awful.  That part mostly works and is generally funny.  It also ventures into being so racist and offensive that it tries to become satire, which is a harder needle to thread.  Its relentless offensiveness will be off-putting for most audiences, and it becomes tedious and too much at times.  (Especially so the lines delivered by Sorbo.  I don’t know how to accurately describe him with his terrible hot takes, but I just saw him called an “underemployed crabapple”, so let’s go with that.) 

I would be curious to know what Danny Trejo thinks about Poolboy today.  He’s a hugely likeable star and seemingly a good dude too.  On the other hand, he probably doesn’t give too sh*ts about this movie or even remembers it out of the hundreds he’s made.

Some funny stuff.  Some overly offensive and tedious stuff.  Proceed at your own peril.