Viewing Date: 10/31/2014
Starring: Dolph Lundgren (and directed by BMT favorite Uwe Boll!)
Plot: An ex-Special Forces soldier gets thrown back to medieval times to fulfill an ancient prophecy and ends up finding redemption for his own battlefield experiences. (IMDB)
Rules
- Slow Mo
- Inner-monologue
- Reference to Granger’s (Dolph) tortured past
- Half-assed medieval speak (This would mean a constant waterfall. Save this one for the truly cringe-worthy lines)
- “Granger”
- Fish out of water jokes
- “Holy Mother”
Quotes
“That’s not cool.” “No. It’s warm.”
“Tomorrow- the adventure begins.”
“There’s got to be everything from e coli to sheep feces in there.”
“I was rash and only acted to fulfill my urges.”
“Listen guys. I’ve decreed it.”
“I have a feeling in the Black Forest, size does matter.”
“It was an honor to fight by your side and lay by you as your woman.”
Viewer Quotes
“Its like the parking lot of medieval times- where they filmed it.”
“Our cook was the only one who knew the true form of the catalyst.” (Granger murdered the cook for no apparent reason)
“This is the worst dragon ever.”
“Unexplained wig.”
What We Learned
- Childproof containers are also medieval-person proof
- Dolph Lundgren sleeps with his scarf (and fully clothed)
- The king lives in a rock climbing gym
- The best place to hide a king is in the future
Bad Movie Thursday 
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