Bad Movie Thursday

Plot:

While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task – destroying the Confederate Undead. *Note – all undead are from the south.

Starring Sean Penn (allegedly)

Rules:

• “Operation Shanty”
• Decapitations
• “Mr. Brown”
• Historical figure references from out of nowhere.

Quotes:

• “Zombies?!  That sounds like slave talk to me, sir!”
• “Emancipate this!”

Viewer Quotes:

• “Is that supposed to be Benjamin Franklin?”
• “Why is he the only one moving in slow motion?”
• “How are they going to get anywhere, walking like they’re walking?”
• “Why didn’t he bring soldiers instead of this troupe of gentlemen?”
• “Didn’t he tell these dudes what they were in for first?”
• “Is he really named Brown?  Was this made in 2012?”
• “Bam!  What can Brown do for you?”
• “Why is this guy being such a douche to Lincoln when he’s the one that’s been saving their bacon?”
• “Why didn’t he just jump to the side of that train?  Why run along the tracks?”
• “Why do they keep leaving the fort?  They just keep losing people every time they leave!”
• “I hear it went well?  They lost almost everyone that went with them!”
• “Whores and no boobs?  Come on…”

What We Learned:

• Abraham Lincoln led his own poorly run special missions with ill-informed untrained gentlemen. 
• Lincoln’s mother was a zombie.
• Abraham Lincoln has poor taste in women and nearly married a whore.
• Abraham Lincoln always uses the back door.
• Teddy Roosevelt got the quote “Walk softly and carry a big stick” from Lincoln.
• People from the south are completely unreasonable.  They will not even make peace with the north long enough to destroy the zombies in their fort. 
• Every plan should involve ziplines.