Archive for the 'Seagal' Category

13
Jun
24

Out For A Kill (2003)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Ninjas and Seagal

Viewing Date: 6/13/24

Starring: Steven Seagal, Michelle Goh, Corey Johnson

Plot

An unsuspecting university professor is an unwitting accomplice in a foiled Chinese cocaine deal. Wrongly imprisoned, he escapes to take his revenge and prove his innocence. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Slow motion for no reason
  • Sunglasses inside
  • Bullet vision
  • Red text
  • Crime Lord Smoking Den
  • Steven Seagal being insufferable (careful with this one)

Quotes

  • Viewer quote: (house blows up, kills wife) “Now he’s really out for a kill.”
  • “We will kill your dog, we will kill you, then we will kill your wife.”

What We Learned

  • DEA officers can travel all over the world pursing a case that they’re not even sure what it is.
  • We already knew it, but this just reinforces that Seagal is incapable of putting any effort into acting (or doing anything besides a revenge movie).
  • If you are in a secret crime cabal, don’t use Chinese tattoos as a code that Seagal can easily decipher.
  • If your character marries / cares for Steven Seagal, you’re going to die- because revenge.

Final Take

Meh. We knew what we were getting. Seagal stars as the genius professor with the mysterious past (basically the most dangerous killer the world has ever known) and of course he is revered as some sort of Chinese / Asian icon. The criminals decide to mess with him and he kills them all with very little effort. Again, we knew what we were getting with a Segal movie, and there were some entertaining moments and action sequences. Still not sure what was happening with the assassin that could crawl around on the ceiling and walls… Only recommended if you like all things Seagal.

27
Apr
17

The Perfect Weapon (2016)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Rules, Seagal, Uncategorized and Washed up actors

Perfect Weapon

Date Watched: 4/27/2017

Starring: Steven Seagal and the bad guy from “Kindergarten Cop”

Plot: In the not so distant future, society is controlled by the powerful State and a dictator known as the Director. Condor works as a hitman for the State, but a reunion with someone he thought was dead forces him to consider who his enemies really are.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Seagal wearing stupid sunglasses
  • Seagal taking off stupid sunglasses (2 drinks)
  • Someone says “the State”
  • Killing people with a single blow

Quotes:

  • “They watch us through those things!”  (Said as he shoots the TV.)
  • “There he is, the legenadry Condor.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I can’t tell who’s fighting who.”
  • “It’s a good thing that woman just casually walked into the men’s bathroom.”
  • “Once you make a man’s head explode, there’s no going back.”
  • “I’m not sure what happened, but it seemed pretty stupid.”

Things We Learned:

  • Strip clubs in the future have hula hoops and shiny things.
  • The Bad Movie Thursday gang would rather go to dinner with Seagal over Van Damme, and Gary Busey over Seagal.
  • Cardboard boxes offer great protection against bullets.
  • Handsprings make you invulnerable to gunfire.
  • When you’re on the run, your own home isn’t the best place to hide.

Final Take:  Pretty forgettable, but the production value was decent, and it wasn’t boring.  You could do a lot worse than this.  I would say that hearing the word “Condor” over and over again made us wish that we were watching “Condorman” instead.

01
Jun
12

Against The Dark

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Seagal, Vampires, Washed up actors and Zombies

Viewing date: 05/17/2012

Summary:

When most of the population of Earth is infected with a virus and transformed into flesh eaters and blood drinking creatures, a group of hunters led by Tao chases the vampire zombies to eliminate them. Six non-infected survivors try to find the exit of an abandoned hospital crowded with the infected creatures, and Tao and his group help them. Meanwhile, the military command is ready to bomb the area and wipe it from the map.

Starring:

Steven Seagal, the Rock’s cousin and Vampires (although they’re more like cannibal mutants)

Rules:

  • People bitten
  • Seagal one liners
  • Puns about vampires
  • Vampires hissing with fangs
  • Outdoor shot of hospital with symbol

Quotes:

“We’re not here to decide who’s right or wrong, we’re here to decide who lives or dies.”

“The thing about luck is you never know when it’s going to run out”

December 2025
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

Months

Blogroll

Recent Entries