05
Mar
21

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

Amazon.com: Kirbis Sharknado 5 Global Swarming Movie Poster 18 x 28 Inches:  Posters & Prints

Viewing Date: 2/25/21

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid and a long list of semi-celebs in cameos

Plot: With a bitter taste in the mouth, knowing that the Sharknado crisis is far from over yet, Fin and April travel to London after the events of Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens (2016), as Nova Clarke’s fact-finding expedition accidentally triggers a wave of ferocious and bigger-than-ever Sharknadoes. As a result, with prehistoric Stonehenge as the epicentre of the unstoppable new menace, Fin’s young son, Gil, gets sucked into the heart of the brutal cyclone, with minimal chances of survival. Now, Fin Shepard, humankind’s dauntless chainsaw-wielding hero, and his intrepid bionic wife, April, must track down a complex and omnipotent vortex formation that rapidly transforms into something unimaginable: an ever-growing Sharknado of global proportions. This time, Fin and April have their work cut out for them, in a perilous mission across the four corners of the world. Who shall live and who shall die when the fifth awakens? (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Cameos
  • “Sharknado”
  • Movie references / gags
  • Riding sharks
  • Impaling sharks or getting impaled by a shark

Quotes

  • “I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a human helicopter.” (turns out she was, in fact, a human helicopter
  • “You clear your thoughts.” (to Tara Reid’s character)

What We Learned

  • The Sydney Opera House is actually a transforming, shark killing machine, that somehow requires Tony Hawk for repairs
  • Olivia Newton John’s daughter (Chloe Lattanzi) is one of the creepiest looking, saddest ‘plastic-surgery-gone-wrong’ victims in recent memory.
  • The British Secret Service has developed a helmet with a shark fin to protect you in case you end up in Sharknado.
  • Sharknados creation teleportation portals and time travel

Final Take

Are we getting Sharknado fatigue? There were times watching this movie where I asked myself if 5 films of complete absurdity and bad cameos could actually be getting tired and boring- and yes it is very close, but there is enough here with a $3M budget and one-upping the stupidity to keep it fun. The bar is set very low… Can I say I’m actually somewhat forward to the next one, as long as Dolph Lungren is more than just a cameo?


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