Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 12/13/18

Starring: Danny Trejo, Danny Glover, retreads from Mad Max

Plot: If you’ve seen one Death Race, you should already know the plot here.  Drivers, racing, Frankenstein is the best, people want to beat him.

Rules

• “Frankenstein”
• Gratuitous violence
• “Death Race”
• T & A
• Frankenstein walking in slow motion
• Advanced rule: “Convict”
• Race scene: Cars flipping in the air.
• Race scene: Spectators getting killed
• Race scene: Gear shifting

Quotes

• “Rest assured, there are no virgins in these walls, because life has fucked you all.”
• “Best advice, learn how to run.  Learn how to fight.”
• “If I had a dick, this is where I’d tell you to suck it.”
• “Let me whack him, Frank.  He’s nothing but a couple drops of jizz sprouted from a shit-filled crack in the sidewalk.”
• “I’ve heard of you.  You euthanized over 400 people.”  –  “Not all of them were dying.  Some were just living inconsequential lives and as such were considered already dead.”
• “That pretty boy can fight.”  –  “Yah, but can he drive.”  –  “Who cares?  I just want to know if he fucks like he fights.”

Viewer Quotes

• “Who would you be in the Sprawl?”  –  “I’d be the clown guy.  The mime, jester guy.”  –  “I’d be one of those guys cleaning up the crash victims.”  –  “I’d be playing the guitar on the front of that flaming truck.”
• “We should all have names like that.  Milkwaukie Mike.  Alabama Adam.  Green Bay Graham.  Syracuse Shelly.”  –  “What?  I’m not even watching!”
• “I would have thought having no shirt in a situation like this would be a severe disadvantage.  I mean, these guys have armor on.”
• “This is just ridiculous, in a lot of ways.”
• “Already at 200+ mph and he downshifts again.  How many gears does this car have?”

Things We Learned

• Convicts reason like 3 year olds.
• 10% of the population of the Sprawl dies every year.
• Danny Trejo is 74 years old.  74 mf-ing years old.

Final Take: Not bad.  Not bad at all.  There was a minor twist on the Death Race formula.  It was overly gratuitous, which was necessary for a movie like this.  There was a bit too much character development/exposition, but if you can get through that you’ll find a mildly entertaining movie.