Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 5/2/2013

Starring: Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo

Plot: Convicted cop-killer Carl Lucas, aka Frankenstein, is a superstar driver in the brutal prison yard demolition derby known as Death Race. Only one victory away from winning freedom for himself and his pit crew.  He’s a great guy and everyone else is crazy.  Strap in and get ready.

Rules

• “Frankenstein”
• “Death Race” <advanced>
• Hyenas
• Car crashes
• Taking off or putting on the Frankenstein mask
• Monkey hiding behind a rock <5 drinks, advanced>

Quotes

• “I’ve been through more shit in my life than most people go through in 10.”
• “This is a match to the death.  The only rule – Survive!”
• “The only thing I know about Baja, it’s a style of tacos I like.”
• “Hang on, I thought you didn’t know anything about this kind of racing.”  “I don’t.  It’s the first thing that came up on Google.”
• “Stop fucking me with your eyes and let’s get on with this.”
• “How many lives do you have?”  “At least one more.”

Viewer Quotes

• “Ooh, they’ve got hyenas as guard dogs.  Must be Africa.”
• “Quick, hold that girl while I punch her in teh face!…Terrible fight scene.”
• “Danny Trejo looks exactly like a ‘Goldberg’.  Good character choice.”
• “Why are they in those big hamster wheels?”
• “This is impossible to watch.  I’m going to have a seizure.”
• “The thinking is that his secretary will somehow betray him.  Bets?”
• “Was this movie filmed by a dude with ADD?”
• “Thinnest …. Plot …. Ever?  I’ve seen porns with more fully fleshed out plots.”
• “Wouldn’t he have trench foot by now?”
• “I’m glad they’re giving us the entire back plot.  It’s so complicated I never would have figured it out.”

What We Learned

• Prisons in Africa are guarded by Hyenas.
• It’s a good idea for female prisoners in coed prisons to dress really provocatively.  Everything will be fine.
• Weapons do not come in handy in Death Race.
• Smart missiles are really smart.  Like follow a man through a house smart.
• Web Casts can be watched on crappy old analog tv’s in rural Africa.

Final Take

If you liked the first second Death Race, you’ll sure like the second second Death Race.  It’s basically just more of the same.  I’m pretty sure it’s got the exact same cast.  This time instead of racing in a re-purposed warehouse district, they’ve taken the fun to a rally course in South Africa.  The prisoners are heroes with hearts of gold and the villains are the most insanely evil people in the world.  There’s no character development, just nonstop car chases and explosions.  If that sounds good to you then you’ll have a good time watching it.  I did.