22
Jan
21

Return To Savage Beach

Date Watched: 01/21/21

Starring: Julie Strain, Rodrigo Obregón, Julie K. Smith, (Directed by Andy Sidaris)

Plot: A stolen computer floppy disc filled with information about the location of a mythical treasure in Savage Island will lure both villains and L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents into a dangerous treasure hunt.

Rules:

  • Gratuitous nudity shots
  • KSXY radio announcements
  • Sexual Innuendos
  • Exposition vomit sessions (1 drink every 30 seconds during exposition)

Quotes:

  • “Everything I touch has a way of exploding” (suggestively)
  • “Soon I will reveal everything to you, but now, there are parts of you I want to reveal to me.” (suggestively)
  • “Urgent…Urgent…All things alive must be more than 16 miles away from ground zero point.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Whoa, is that a crossbow?”
  • “What’s going to happen?” – “She’s probably going to fall and ruin someone’s pizza.”
  • “After getting dressed and rollerblading there, that pizza must be stone cold.”
  • “This is way too much exposition for a movie like this.” – “This guy has just been vomiting nonsense.”
  • “If this is the traditional way of celebrating, I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time.”
  • “Yeah, let’s take a break, and take a naked swim!”
  • “I can’t believe they’re taking the time to explain how this guy survived. Nobody cares! He survived, he found the plane, story over.”
  • “They just Scooby Doo’d us!”
  • “What? So that whole 10 minutes of exposition was a complete waste?”

Things We Learned:

  • Explosions can turn a man into a obvious stuffed rag doll.
  • The best way to kill a hitman hiding behind a car is to strap explosions to an RC car and jump it precisely into the trunk filled with gas cans.
  • Ninjas carry emergency pistols, in case they start losing.

Final Take: If you’ve ever seen one of Andy Sidaris’ movies then you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. This movie had it all: t & a, boat and car chases, witty quips and banter, ninjas, and lost treasure. Unfortunately it was tied together with some cheap dental floss. You will have fun watching it and laughing with friends, but I wouldn’t want to watch it alone.


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