27
May
16

1313: Cougar Cult (2012)

cougarcult

Viewing Date: 5/26/16

Plot:Rufus, Darwin, and Coopersmith are three nerdy, but hunky young college students who score themselves a dream summer job working at a swanky mansion owned by wealthy and sexy middle-aged babes Clara, Victoria, and Edwina. However, the gals turn out to be a coven of deadly witches who transform into flesh-eating cougars who need fresh young man meat in order to live forever.

Starring: A whole lot of nobody

Rules:

  • Drinking wine
  • Turning into cougars
  • Snarling noises
  • Guys rubbing themselves / looped footage
  • Walking around in circles / witch rituals
  • xylophone music

Quotes:

“Gift horses don’t eat people.”

“I guess Coopersmith didn’t tell you a lot of things.”

Viewer Quotes:

“There sure are lot of looped scenes of shirtless guys touching themselves.”

“It’s all rules and nothing else.”

What We Learned:

Do not watch.  This is one of the worst movies (not in a good way) that we’ve ever encountered on bad movie Thursday.  We only stuck with it because it was so short.  I’m not even sure who the target audience of the movie was supposed to be.   It was like a poorly acted porn with no nudity.  Avoid at all costs.

 

 


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