13
Sep
13

Arena

arena_1989_poster_01

Date: 9/12/2013

Starring: Jar Jar Binks, Space Dracula, aliens from the Star Wars cantina

Plot: An intergalactic fighting competition between champions of various worlds has traditionally been won by a species much larger and stronger than humans. Entering the contest, a human finds he has to battle against not just his opponents and his self-doubts, but the corrupt system.

Rules

  • Victory in the arena
  • Rip-off from Star Wars or Star Trek
  • Every time 4 arms has to make use of his weird extra arms.
  • Shorty references some stupid planet
  • “Steve Armstrong”

Quotes

  • “Your crib has been folded.”
  • “Hey what happened?” – “An Earthling, that’s what happened.” <alien frog voice>
  • “It is obvious that no human being can compete.  That’s what’s being proven here tonight.”
  • “Save it for the fans.  No point in giving away what the public will pay for.”
  • “As long as there are Steve Armstrongs out there in the world, there will be contenders!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “He hit him with his third arm.”
  • “He’s got his brain showing.”
  • “Look at this guy.  He looks like a garbage pail kid.”
  • “That dude looks like Admiral Akbar on Meth!”
  • “That’s pretty nice gear he’s got on.  Nice sports bra.”
  • “This is just random words and tones thrown together.”
  • “Those two are an item.  They have the grossest sex in the universe.  Dirty, furtive sex.”
  • “That was short, even by montage standards.”

What We Learned

  • Earthlings are terrible fighters in the arena.  There hasn’t been a human champion for 50 years.
  • There are no decent entertainers in space.
  • There are no two of any alien race on the Arena space station.
  • Crystalplex cures blood poison.
  • The space station snack bar owner is the most power man on the station.
  • Future fighting standards in space aren’t that high.
  • Aliens have the most generic english names that stem from their descriptive features.

Final Take: 

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