Viewing Date: 11/5/26
Starring: Jim Varney, Eartha Kitt
Plot: Ernest accidentally unleashes an ugly troll that plots to transform children into wooden dolls in the town of Briarville, Missouri.
Rules
- “Know what I mean.”
- Jim Varney playing other characters/multiple personality stuff
- Ernest says his full name
- “Rimshot”
- Animals outsmarting Ernest
- Ernest should be dead
Quotes
- “Boy I sure hope you’re from Keebler!”
- Do rattlesnakes kiss carefully?”
- “You cannot escape. It’s time to join your little friends.”
- “You’re gonna pay for the sins of your forefathers.” – “I didn’t have four fathers. I only had one father and I didn’t know him that well!”
- “How about a bumper sandwich, booger lips!”
- “What goods a wooden dog? Sure, they swim better. What am I going to call him, Splinter?”
- “I’ve grown too strong for that. Not even milk can stop me now.”
Viewer Quotes
- “If that kid was missing, the first place the police would check is Ernest’s place.”
- “It’s probably fine. It’s no big deal if your kids don’t come home at night.”
- “This 200 year prophecy is just leading up to these stupid shenanigans. These trolls are just idiots, and they can be killed so easily.”
- “He’s going to have sex with it in front of all these people.”
What We Learned
- There’s no reason to worry if your kids don’t come home at night. It’s probably nothing.
- Milk kills trolls
- You can kill trolls by kissing their snot noses.
- Letting your kids play with a schizophrenic grown man that has the mind of a child never leads to anything good.
Final Take
Not bad, but clearly the target audience was 8 year old boys. Even when it came out I was too old for it. That said, the rules worked out OK and it had real garbage pale kids vibes, which is a point for it in my book. But Ernest’s shtick wears thin pretty fast. I probably won’t watch another Ernest movie for a few months at the soonest.
