Viewing Date: 11/21/24
Starring: Ryan Lord, Julia Culbert, Marc DeNola
Plot
A flock of sea eagles attack the coastal town of Santa Cruz, California. Why did the birds attack? Who will survive? (via IMDB)
Rules
- Bird Attack
- “Sea Eagle” (movie title)
- Scenes that go on too long.
- Environmental Preachiness
- The guy and girl walking together
Quotes
- “I’m looking for a three-bedroom house surrounded by trees. Preferably in a forest.”
- “Well, I think we need to fix Global Warming.”
- “Let’s take their guns and defend ourselves from those crazy birds.”
- “Yes, we have to accept our fate. It is death.”
Viewer Quotes
- “This is so much padding for an 83 minute movie.”
- “Are you sure this movie is about bird attacks and not just climate change?”
- “Why is this guy talking about Rejuvenate and the 9 mechanisms of aging again?”
- “My God, where are the birds?”
- “Stay in your lane, Birdemic.”
- “Hey mister – can you please sing to us as we dance in this empty room?”
- “Just when you think a scene can’t go any longer, it does. And just when it can’t get any more awkward, it gets so awkward you can barely stand it.”
- “We’re three quarters of the way into this movie, no crazy birds yet.”
- “This is another awesome diatribe on climate change.”
What We Learned
- The normal weather patterns are changing rapidly. (Learned from a nature documentary that is played in the movie for no reason)
- Don’t leave your car running and go dancing off into the woods.
- Eagles are really good at cutting people’s throats as they fly by. They never miss.
Final Take
This movie did not have any crazy bird sightings until literally 60 minutes into an 83 minute movie. That is all you need to know. The entire first hour was filled with nothing but inane diatribes on climate change. It was just one scene after another of weird, contrived scenes where the leads encounter new people that just immediately start ranting about climate change. On top of that, there would be probably the most uncomfortable scenes ever put on camera, and they would stretch on so long it was like a psychological study in human capacity to withstand awkwardness. If that sounds like your bag, you can think about watching it. I wouldn’t, though. Not ever again.
Bad Movie Thursday 