Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: Jan 19, 2023

Starring: The Barbarian Brothers (David Paul and Peter Paul), Richard Lynch, Eva LaRue, Michael Berryman

Plot: Two twin barbarians seek revenge from the warlord who massacred their tribe and captured them when they were small children. (via IMDB)

Rules

• Disfigured faces
• Unnecessary feats of strength
• Blue Filter
• Actors we recognize
• “Ruby” or any mention of “the stone”
• Magic is used
• Stupid Barbarian noises (you’ll know them when you hear them)

Viewer Quotes

• “Its a drive-by knifing.”
• “How do you eat when your mouth is sewn shut?”
• “That one guy- he’s not a great actor.” “Which one?” “The dirtmaster.”

What We Learned

• The strip club is a good place to buy weapons
• You can check virginity status by sticking a ruby in someone’s belly button
• You should stop juggling when being chased
• Rubies contain the secret of music- and that is extremely valuable to evil warlords
• You can’t outrun bandits in a circus wagon

Final Take

This was a fun throwback to the steroid-fueled 80’s fantasy genre, and an obvious attempt to cash in on the popularity of Conan the Barbarian. You get exactly what you expect with terrible dialogue and acting from the Barbarian Brothers. They are complete buffoons but somehow save the day simply through their incredible strength. Anyway, it is worth some laughs as the brothers go on some sort of adventure to save their former circus companion who has been imprisoned by an evil warlord who wants the magic ruby that contains the power of music and entertainment. Middle of the road bad movie overall.