Archive for January 21st, 2022

21
Jan
22

Hellbound

Date Watched: 1/20/2022

Starring: Only Chuck Norris

Plot: Two Chicago cops (Chuck Norris, Calvin Levels) investigate a murder until they encounter an ancient demon.

Rules

  • Biblical References
  • Chuck’s round house kicks (or kicks in general)
  • “Prosatanos”
  • “Shatter” (Advanced)
  • Jackson talks about food

Quotes

  • “Oh Shit! His heart’s gone!” – “No it’s not, it’s right there.”
  • “Hey Frank, do you want to go back to Chicago and play good cop/bad cop with our pimps and hookers?”
  • “Eat this!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Chuck Norris plays the role of ‘Consatanos’ in this one.”
  • “He’d better roundhouse kick someone soon, I swear.”
  • “What has Prosatanos been doing this past 40 years? Not building a massive army of followers and growing his power, just hanging out in Chicago sleeping with hookers.”

Things We Learned

  • The devil (or demon spawn) is named Todd
  • Throwing a heart at Chuck Norris is a great way to introduce yourself.
  • Chuck Norris would steal money from his own partner.

Final Take: This movie started out really well, but faded quite a bit in the middle. There were almost no Chuck Norris round-house kicks through most of the movie, which seems like a real waste of talent. That said, it has a memorable villain and does tie it all up with a decent ending, but all in all it’s a fairly forgettable Norris affair.




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