Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: 10/3/24

Starring: Ross Hagen, Jeffry Combs, Dawn Wildsmith

Plot: When a man-eating cave creature appears with a fortune in uncut diamonds around his neck, Dr. Chambers’ daughter Denae hires adventurers C & C Salvage to find the underground source of the gems. Accompanied by archeaological intern Andrew Paris, mineralogist Prof. Strock, and C&C’s scruffy owners Cort Eastman and Eddy Colchilde, Denea’s hopes of emerging from her famous father’s shadow become as remote as getting out of the caves alive! (via IMDB)

Rules

• “R’lyeh”
• Eddy is drinking, drunk or hungover
• Eddy tips her hat or scratches her face with a gun
• Terrible dinosaur scenes (stock footage)

Quotes

• (viewer) “There are definitely swords in this.”
• (viewer) “Is that a chemistry set?” “Yes- he’s making meth.” “Did they have meth in 1984?”
• “What’s a matter? I’m trying to be your friend you piece of shit?”
• “Come on. Move ass!”
• (viewer) “I think she wants the shoo-shoo.”
• (viewer) “Never look a gift cave girl in the mouth.”

What We Learned

• You can plan a dangerous, underground expedition into monster-filled caverns in about an hour (that includes getting equipment
• A decapitation by a monster (with eye witness) doesn’t really require any sort of investigation- but it does mean there is treasure!
• As a treasure hunter, you must limit the number of people in your party
• A small can of sterno can keep an expedition party warm all night
• High iron content in caves affects batteries.

The Final Take

Hilariously bad, campy 80’s movie. Land of the Lost meets a space dominatrix meets a terrible script. Enjoy!