Posts Tagged ‘reviews

23
Jan
26

Willy’s Wonderland

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Viewing Date: 1/22/2026

Starring: Nic Cage, Nuff Said

Plot: Basically Five Nights at Freddys

Rules

  • The birthday song
  • Showing Willy
  • Advanced Rule: Nicolas Cage’s meaningful glances
  • Beer Alarm
  • Nicolas Cage makes a noise

Quotes

  • Ostrich – “I’m gonna feast on your face!”
  • “What’s the plan?” – “See that phone? We’re going to sit here and pray it don’t ring.”
  • “Pretty sure that saying is protect and serve.”
  • “Put your balls on, Evan, we’re going to Willy’s.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Is this a Weekend at Bernie’s situation? Is Nicolas Cage dead through all this and they’re just puppeting his body?”
  • “I like that he wasn’t the least bit surprised by this thing coming to life and attacking him. It’s like he knew.”
  • “This is something. I can’t believe he’s just going back to work cleaning after this thing started to kill him.”
  • “They should be giving him $5000 for this cleaning job. This is like a Kitchen Nightmare situation.”
  • “What is your life like where you’re not surprised by anything happening here.”
  • “By the way, there are no vents anywhere that are this big.”
  • “This guy’s related to James Van Der Beek, right?”
  • “He never had anything to say and they never explained it.”

What We Learned

  • Nothing we didn’t already know.
    • Don’t spend the night in some run-down building in exchange for anything.
    • Don’t separate from the group.
    • Don’t have sex in the kill room.
    • Don’t accept sacrificing victims to satanic robots instead of just destroying those robots.
    • Don’t do a movie where you have the most camera time and no lines.

Final Take

This was definitely worth it, enjoyable all the way around. Totally inexplicable in a lot of ways, too, so you just kind of have to roll with that part. Why does this guy never talk, and why is he not surprised by what’s happening to him? Never mind any of that. Just don’t think too hard and it will be a good time.

05
Dec
25

Shark Side of the Moon

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Viewing Date: 12/4/2025

Starring: Maxi Witrak, Ego Mikitas

Plot: Decades ago, the USSR developed unkillable sharks and launched them to the moon. Today, a team of American astronauts will endure the fight of their lives.

Rules

  • Stupid space science jargon (Advanced rule, this is literally every other line of the movie)
  • “Yutu-2” or “Quequio Sattellite”
  • References to the Dark Side of the Moon album

Quotes

  • “Nothing under the moon should cause ripples like that.”
  • “Why are there sharks on the moon?”
  • “Americans…welcome to the moon!”
  • “I knew there was something ‘fishy’ about her.”
  • “Follow me, and don’t get any blood on you.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “They are half human.” – “The bottom half.”
  • “The first thing you should do when you’re about to crash into the moon is strap your seatbelt.”
  • “It’s interesting that rebooting the ship didn’t affect their artificial gravity.”
  • “Who’s going to open a window? I don’t think they make windows that roll down in a space ship.”
  • “So he’s got a half-shark daughter?” – “Technically she’s a quarter shark.”
  • “She hears pretty well in the vacuum of space.”
  • “What do space sharks eat? There’s nothing to hunt on the moon.”
  • “Is that actually his daughter? Did he make love to a shark lady?”
  • “With all their hybrid shark technology, they can’t make a rocket?” – “They can’t even make proper clothes.”
  • “That’s the song I want playing when I die. Yakkity Saks.”
  • “That’s what I felt like after Thanksgiving.”

What We Learned

  • In the future, astronauts don’t have headphones. Two of them split a pair of air pods.
  • When you’re in trouble, restart the ship.
  • Hybrid space sharks can track electromagnetic waves.
  • Chain mail can replace a space suit on the moon.
  • Space sharks have nipples
  • Hybrid sharks reproduce in jars with umbilical chords.

Final Take

The whole movie was just utter nonsense, but I didn’t hate it. That’s the best way to summarize this movie experience. You’d think a movie about space sharks would be a pretty simple plot to follow, but you’d be wrong. There’s no explanation for most of what you see and you’ll be left with a lot more questions than answers. On the whole, though, I’d say it was worth the watch. I look forward to reading this post again in the future and reliving these memories.

27
Jun
25

The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck (1988)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Amazon women, Cannibalism, Knock-Offs and Nudity
Tags: , ,

Viewing Date: Jun 26, 2025

Starring: David Keith, Kathy Shower, Brant Van Hoffman

Plot: A drunken, down-on-his-luck adventurer is hired by a wealthy man and his beautiful wife to take them on a hunting expedition in the jungle. After a while, though, the guide begins to suspect that there’s more to the expedition than just hunting. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Tennessee Buck is drunk
  • Elephant hijinks (sadly, this did not come into play)
  • “cannibal”

Quotes

  • (viewer): “Tennessee Buck has had zero adventure so far” (mid-way through the movie)
  • “The way to a man’s heart is through his liver.”
  • “4-5 hours a day, 7 days a week.” “You practice shooting that much?” “No. That’s how much I drink.”

What We Learned

  • Keith David is not David Keith
  • Cannibals call human meat “long pig”
  • Cannibals sleep outdoors in piles (like the Croods?)
  • Nothing leads to a romantic jungle encounter like having your husband decapitated and then getting raped.

Final take

I can see how this film came together: Mid-80’s, a group of low budget filmmakers sitting around a table thinking about how to capitalize on the success of Indiana Jones.

“Our hero should be a drunk loser that still has a way with the ladies. What should we call him? Alabama Smith? Arkansas Pete? I got it- Tennessee Buck!”

“Great! But he can’t be too likeable. Let’s have him shoot an abused elephant in one of the opening scenes.”

“I like it. Should it be a slapstick comedy? Action adventure? Suspense and horror? Porn?”

“Let’s do it all! But we need jungle natives that behave like cave people in black face- and wacky cannibals! And let’s conclude it with a decapitation and graphic rape scene!”

“Pure gold!!!”

So we have no idea what this movie is supposed to be- it is a mash up of several genres that doesn’t do any of them well. There are a few funny lines, but the movie never figures out what exactly it is trying to be. And why exactly are these are the ‘further’ adventures of Tennessee Buck? The ‘adventure-level’ of this movie was questionable at best. Did they think this steaming pile of crap would lead to a prequel or something else because viewers were left wanting to know more about this fascinating character? In summary, it seemed like a great BMT fit, with all the necessary ingredients, but in the end is only borderline enjoyable.

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