Viewing Date: 12/4/2025
Starring: Maxi Witrak, Ego Mikitas
Plot: Decades ago, the USSR developed unkillable sharks and launched them to the moon. Today, a team of American astronauts will endure the fight of their lives.
Rules
- Stupid space science jargon (Advanced rule, this is literally every other line of the movie)
- “Yutu-2” or “Quequio Sattellite”
- References to the Dark Side of the Moon album
Quotes
- “Nothing under the moon should cause ripples like that.”
- “Why are there sharks on the moon?”
- “Americans…welcome to the moon!”
- “I knew there was something ‘fishy’ about her.”
- “Follow me, and don’t get any blood on you.”
Viewer Quotes
- “They are half human.” – “The bottom half.”
- “The first thing you should do when you’re about to crash into the moon is strap your seatbelt.”
- “It’s interesting that rebooting the ship didn’t affect their artificial gravity.”
- “Who’s going to open a window? I don’t think they make windows that roll down in a space ship.”
- “So he’s got a half-shark daughter?” – “Technically she’s a quarter shark.”
- “She hears pretty well in the vacuum of space.”
- “What do space sharks eat? There’s nothing to hunt on the moon.”
- “Is that actually his daughter? Did he make love to a shark lady?”
- “With all their hybrid shark technology, they can’t make a rocket?” – “They can’t even make proper clothes.”
- “That’s the song I want playing when I die. Yakkity Saks.”
- “That’s what I felt like after Thanksgiving.”
What We Learned
- In the future, astronauts don’t have headphones. Two of them split a pair of air pods.
- When you’re in trouble, restart the ship.
- Hybrid space sharks can track electromagnetic waves.
- Chain mail can replace a space suit on the moon.
- Space sharks have nipples
- Hybrid sharks reproduce in jars with umbilical chords.
Final Take
The whole movie was just utter nonsense, but I didn’t hate it. That’s the best way to summarize this movie experience. You’d think a movie about space sharks would be a pretty simple plot to follow, but you’d be wrong. There’s no explanation for most of what you see and you’ll be left with a lot more questions than answers. On the whole, though, I’d say it was worth the watch. I look forward to reading this post again in the future and reliving these memories.
Bad Movie Thursday 