Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: 10/16/2025

Starring: Murderbots, Kelli Maroney

Plot: A group of young shopping mall employees stay behind for a late night party in one of the stores. When the mall goes on lock-down before they can get out, the robot security system malfunctions, and goes on a killing spree. (IMDB)

Rules

• Quintessential 80’s stuff
• Smoking (Advanced rule! Everyone smokes in the 80’s)
• T & A
• Product Placement
• Robot opens their robot hatch
• “Thank you, have a nice day.”
• Glass shattering.

Quotes

• “They remind me of your mother. It’s the laser eyes.”
• “Let’s go send those fuckers a Rambo-gram.”
• “I guess I’m just not used to being chased around the mall in the middle of the night by killer robots.”

Viewer Quotes

• “This movie’s pretty good.” – “Yeah, not bad.”
• “Why don’t they just run up the stairs?”
• “Why is this robot so inaccurate with its laser beam shots?”
• “That’s why he brought the propane cannister.”
• “With it being called Chopping Mall, shouldn’t there be more blades?”

What We Learned

• Robot’s have different colored lasers.
• Malls in the 80’s had entire rooms piled high with metal junk, like the trash compactor in Star Wars.

Final Take

This was a surprisingly good Bad Movie Thursday choice. I’d never even heard of it before, and it was definitely on the shorter side, but it held its own throughout. For those of us Gen X children of the 80’s, seeing all the mall shots brought a serious nostalgia wave. On top of that there was classic 80’s era T&A, ridiculous practical horror effects, and stupid robots. This was definitely worth a watch.

Viewing Date: 9/11/2025

Starring: Weird Al, Fran Drescher, Michael Richard, Victoria Jackson

Plot: An unemployed visionary becomes the manager of a local television station. The station becomes a success, with all sorts of hilarious sight gags and wacky humor.

Rules

• New Spoofs or parody (one drink per scene)
• Clumsy Slapstick
• Looking directly in the camera
• Dream Sequence
• “Channel 62”

Quotes

• “I don’t know the first thing about working at a TV Station.” – “Don’t worry, Bob, it’s just like working at a fish market. Only you don’t have to clean and gut fish all day.”
• “People like that should be put to sleep.”
• “After 15 years they just toss me out like an old bag of moldy tangerines.”
• “Hey, these floors are dirty as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
• “Badgers…Badgers…We don’t need no stinking badgers.”

Viewer Quotes

• “A hot dog in a twinkie with E-Z Cheese?” – “We’ve got to have a bet where the loser has to eat one of those.”

What We Learned

• The best way to eat a hot dog is in a twinkie wiener sandwich
• Owners of big TV stations are total A Holes.

Final Take

This was not too shabby. Lots of slapstick and the rules definitely paid off. Weird Al’s brand of humor isn’t for everyone, but if you like his songs then you’re probably going to like this.

Viewing Date: Apr 17, 2025

Starring: Robert Davi, Robert Z’Dar, Caitlin Dulany, Jackie Earle Haley

Plot: A priest practicing the Voodoo arts resurrects Matt Cordell, who takes his badge and comes back from the dead to do his bidding. (via IMDB)

Rules

• Trash on the street
• “Maniac”, “Psycho”, “Crazy”
• “Cordell”
• Cop stereotypes, tropes or dialogue
• Scenes from the last movies
• Awesome stunts
• Baton twirling
• Voodoo

Quotes

• “At least he died with a smile on his face.”
• “He was huge and kind of scary looking so I followed him to the tunnels under the hospital.”

Viewer Quotes

• “Chopping a corpse’s head off I’m pretty sure is worse than a misdemeanor.”
• “Under the tunnels with Bob Marley?”
• “This is a crazy cast for Maniac Cop 3!”
• “What a piece of shit this guy is.”
• “That’s the big evolution of Maniac Cop. Now he kills people that deserve it.”
• “How’s he even seeing? His eyes must have melted by now.”

What We Learned

• Matt Cordell/Maniac Cop can push cars out of the way.
• Maniac Cop was a hopeless romantic.

Final Take

Apparently this movie was originally written with an entirely different main character and a different plot, but was recast and rewritten partly through filming. You can tell. Nothing about the plot makes any sense. There are actually quite a few recognizable actors in it, but most of them are killed off in the same scenes where they are introduced. You don’t know why the killer is killing people, or why he was resurrected in the first place. You’re just here for the ridiculous death scenes and the very enjoyable stunts. If that’s what you’re looking for, you can find it here. If you’re looking for a movie that makes any sense, keep looking.

Viewing Date: 3/6/2025

Starring: Holly Fields, Chris Weber, Al Foster

Plot

The evil Djinn is awakened once more, and must collect 1001 souls to begin the Apocalypse.(via IMDB)

Rules

• “Wish” (Advanced Rule)
• Weird transformations
• Taking the blue-line bus to prison.

Quotes

• “I only play for real.”
• “The young man who was shot? He had a regressive experience.”
• “What’s it going to take?” – “Your soul… and a pack of cigarettes.”
• “I was in a hole once for 3000 years. This should be a breeze.”
• “You’re a naughty little girl and daddy’s gotta teach you some respect.”

Viewer Quotes

• “What the hell? Does she have to witness all this terrible shit?”

What We Learned

• Don’t wish anything for yourself or you are f’ed.
• There’s a blue line bus that takes you from downtown straight to prison. And it’s fairly busy.
• You have to trap a Jinn in the space between worlds.
• Cutting your pinky off can purify your soul somehow.

Final Take

This movie wasn’t great. There were some decent practical effect scenes with some over-the-top gore, one memorable scene with a lawyer having to “Go F Himself”, and a lot of exposition and filler. The story doesn’t make sense, the characters aren’t likeable at all, and there’s also a suspicious amount of bible talk that comes across as almost a subliminal message. I have a feeling I’ll be reading this entry 4 years from now trying to remember if we’ve already watched this movie. If you’re reading this, future me, you have, and don’t subject yourself to it again.