Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: 6/13/24

Starring: Steven Seagal, Michelle Goh, Corey Johnson

Plot

An unsuspecting university professor is an unwitting accomplice in a foiled Chinese cocaine deal. Wrongly imprisoned, he escapes to take his revenge and prove his innocence. (via IMDB)

Rules

• Slow motion for no reason
• Sunglasses inside
• Bullet vision
• Red text
• Crime Lord Smoking Den
• Steven Seagal being insufferable (careful with this one)

Quotes

• Viewer quote: (house blows up, kills wife) “Now he’s really out for a kill.”
• “We will kill your dog, we will kill you, then we will kill your wife.”

What We Learned

• DEA officers can travel all over the world pursing a case that they’re not even sure what it is.
• We already knew it, but this just reinforces that Seagal is incapable of putting any effort into acting (or doing anything besides a revenge movie).
• If you are in a secret crime cabal, don’t use Chinese tattoos as a code that Seagal can easily decipher.
• If your character marries / cares for Steven Seagal, you’re going to die- because revenge.

Final Take

Meh. We knew what we were getting. Seagal stars as the genius professor with the mysterious past (basically the most dangerous killer the world has ever known) and of course he is revered as some sort of Chinese / Asian icon. The criminals decide to mess with him and he kills them all with very little effort. Again, we knew what we were getting with a Segal movie, and there were some entertaining moments and action sequences. Still not sure what was happening with the assassin that could crawl around on the ceiling and walls… Only recommended if you like all things Seagal.