Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: 1/2/2025

Starring: Andrew Bowser (from Youtube?)

Plot

Fledgling occultist Onyx and a group of worshipers attend a once-in-a-lifetime ritual at their idol BARTOK THE GREAT’S mansion.(via IMDB)

Rules

• “Onyx”
• Getting bullied
• Onyx goes into his lunchbox
• “Abbadon”

Quotes

• “Mama always said… too mooch juice and the beast gets loose.”
• “I’ll stick to my tiny wines.”
• “I’m just a fat fucking fat fucking virgin.”
• “Oh well, I dreamt I didn’t fuck anybody last night, so I guess we all had pretty fortuitous dreams.”
• “What does it say about the virgin? That he has the power to cradle his flacid wee wee in his hands and cry for hours on end?”
• “Sorry, when I get nervous I start singing Fievel.”
• “Who’s to say what any of us are in this twisted palace built of riddle and rhyme?”

Viewer Quotes

• “The picture is him pregnant with women around him barfing?”

What We Learned

• Michael Bay directed Meatloaf’s video “I would do anything for love”.
• ALF’s real name was Gordon Shumway.
• Shit quick else be deemed unworthy.

Final Take

Not bad. Not bad at all. I didn’t have any exposure or foreknowledge of this Onyx character, which I guess might have gotten started as a series of viral videos on Youtube. Even without that, this was pretty entertaining. The Onyx character was just as realized as someone like Earnest or Pee Wee Herman. I think there could be a whole series of them. The supporting characters were good and the drinking rules paid off in spades, especially “Abbadon”. It’s definitely a full recommendation from us here at BMT.