Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 5/25/23

Starring: Bainbridge Scott

Plot: In order to rescue the son of a diplomat who has been kidnapped by terrorists, a group of Las Vegas showgirls undergo commando training and organize a rescue operation. (From IMDB)

Rules:

• “Ultra Neutron Bomb” or “UN Bomb”
• Headbands and leg warmers
• Taking bubble baths
• Boom Mic showing on camera

Quotes:

• “We have less than 10 days to transform you from Las Vegas showgirls into elite commandos.”
• “Listen, we’ve raided and killed dozens of Arabs and none of them seem to be terrorists.”
• “No, this isn’t a public expedition. They didn’t tattoo it on my ass.”

Viewer Quotes:

• “Are we drinking for all these headbands?”
• “I expected them to be in the tub after all that.”
• “Wow! Did they just fully Scooby Doo this?”

Things We Learned:

• The best plan to rescue an abducted ambassador’s son is to train up an elite force of show girls.
• Training an elite force of showgirls into elite commandos takes about 10 days.
• Driving and operating a tank takes no training at all.

Final Take:

This was an interesting movie. It had the feel of a low-budget A Team episode written in 15 minutes, with some key plot points filled in mad-lib style. It was kind of a lot to take in when you really try to wrap your head around what actually happened. But in Bad Movie Thursday terms it was a pretty entertaining watch, and a lot of the rules really worked out pretty well. Just don’t overthink the why’s or how’s of what’s supposed to be happening and enjoy the weird trip.

Viewing Date: 5/11/23

Starring: Corey Feldman, Rutger Hauer, Malcolm McDowell, Dean Jagger

Plot: Set in a bloodthirsty Los Angeles, California, rogue detective Corbin Nash’s (Dean Jagger’s) obsessive search for the truth behind his parents’ murders leads him to confront a monstrous duo of Queeny (Corey Feldman) and Vince (Richard Wagner), who drag him into a Hellish nightmare for which he was never prepared. Lost to an underworld of horrors dating back to the dawn of time, he soon discovers that he is actually the last surviving member of the Nash family, a historic clan of demon hunters. As he is forced to acknowledge a foreboding destiny, he is attacked and brutally left for dead, only to be recovered by Macy (Fernanda Romero), a pure soul who is led by the mysterious Blind Prophet (Malcolm McDowell). At last, Detective Nash is reborn the ultimate killer. Seeking vengeance, he wages a violent war on the beasts that roam the darkness of this world, finally embracing his true legacy – Corbin Nash, Demon Hunter. (via IMDB)

Rules

• Angels and Demons
• Religious iconography
• Cringeworthy
• Flashbacks

Quotes

• “Speak to the blind man. He sees everything.”
• “These demons are as old fashioned as hell”

Viewer Quotes

• “I knew it would be worth it saving you and turning you into a vampire!”

What We Learned

• There is a vampire fight club in LA and the mats are made of human skin.
• Being a baseball player is a good cover.

Final Take

Yes, we have pretty low standards at Bad Movie Thursday, that’s the point- but this Blade rip-off still might have been passed over if not for a co-starring role of BMT regular Corey Feldman as a transvestite Vampire. The movie overall was generic and forgettable- again, a Blade rip off with more nudity and arguably more ‘gritty’ and dark. Don’t interpret that for a ringing endorsement though…

But the scenes with Corey were so over the top and bizarre, it made the rest of the movie bearable. The cameos by Rutger Hauer and Malcolm McDowell were also, in their own way entertaining (hilarious dialogue from Macolm in particular). They teased a sequel to this movie, but unless they resurrect Corey’s character, I think we’ll pass.